The Clint Blog Experience

Wow has it been awhile since I blogged? Yeth...
I invented blogging ya bastards so get off my back!! ok maybe I didn't invent blogging, but I invented the alphabet... well the english one anyway... a few of you know that's true... you know who you are.

Anyhooo.... I've been away from the ol bloggin machine, and I've recieved e mails from some of the damned... er people that read my biggity blog. From people like.. good ol JOE [visit his site or I'll rip you motherfucking eyes out.... please] demanding my return to menial entries and soft ice cream. Whatever that means... I think the acid I took in late '92 is kicking in... again... stupid flashback.
But... yesh I've been busy. We're moving our offices to a new building, and the office space I'm depositing myself into is much ... bigger? yeah, than the place I had, oh and it has a working door... no more WKRP tape off to keep the peeps out. In addition to that! I ALSO moved. Well I move daily but I mean I've gone and moved to a different apartment. I'm living with my friend Anne and it's pretty awesome. Now I have all my stuff in this little room and it free's me up to do traveling and work here and there like I used to. Well it's not ALL in this little room, my Ikea couch, coffetable and soul sucking shelving is in the living room. Although I'm giving away most of that as well to friends. I find that after awhile the stuff you own, begins owning you. I had a two bedroom apartment, used one for an office and the other for non sexual activities such as sleeping and sobbing. ha just kidding, I didn't sleep in there much. Anne is out east right now because her brother is of course sick with the cancer and she's out there helping him slip into the great beyond. Waiting for the crystal ship... [DON'T PAY THE FERRYMAN]... that Chris De Burgh knew a thing or two about the river Styx eh? So yeah I guess I'm reinventing myself for the thousandth time... so I went and either threw out or gave away a good 65% of my belongings. Of course I kept my Sony Wega tv... the bastard weighs in at 300 pounds so I probably didn't have a lot of choice there BUT... I gave away most my furniture and whatnot. I'll just buy all new cool and shiny stuff once I get motivated. When I moved out here 5 years ago for a couple of months...[turned out to be 5 years and counting] I had a 3 bedroom penthouse apartment... makes me sound cooler than I am... because I'm SOOOO not cool... just ask Melissa... if you can find her... heh anyway. It took a one ton truck to move it all out here. Now everything I own can fit into a bedroom and living room.... loves it i do, yes I looooves it... yoda I'm not... there is no try... there is only do!!! I had only planned on being here for about 6 months but a few things popped up... depression? no thanks I just had some crackers. But I feel that I'm a much stronger and.. what's the word... oh intelligent fellar. I was single for 2 years and it was nice, a chance to reflect and learn about myself... that's what guys like me say when all the girls shut em down right?
q: is she/he hot?
a: well.. she has a nice personality

Ha anyway, I'll keep this entry short so as not to weigh down the Clintrock Fans. Both of em... Parents eh? Someone close to me passed away this week. She had a heart attack and passed without any warning. So I'm having a slice of "poor me" pie...I've been sullen and withdrawn, but rather than dragging it out for weeks and weeks I've decided to just get out there... I have the best friends on the planet. They've been dragging me out to do stuff and keeping me away from isolation. For me, being alone can really be the opposite of what I need, and my pals realize that. I recently bought a nice little stationary bike and I've been putting in 45 mins on that every day. trying to get rid of this extra fat I have on me... bah who am I kidding, it's not extra fat... it's 2 of the backstreet boys.. I was thinking of building up enough DNA filled fat to create another Clint to do all my work for me... but if he's like me we're going to get into a fight over the remote LONG before he works all day for me... by the by... why did that actor sell out and do those mac commercials? Of all my friends only Heath likes mac... but Heath is a good looking chunk of fellar and he's got the smarts. So I can maybe see me leaning towards a mac one day. That made me sound like one of them thar homosexuals right? well... my man crush [men are only allowed one... before the gay kicks in] is still Tom Welling.... man I wish I was gay... I'd stalk that bastard. I'd maybe grab him... lock him in my basement and feed him apples and bread until he said "I love you Clintrockremix". ahh yes... sigh...
did that seem gay at all? damn... I'm honestly trying!! Although I know for a fact... if I pitch for the other team and turn gay... I'll turn many gay men straight from fright. I know my pal Jim will instantly start liking the chickens. Ok well when I begin imagining what it might be like to play for the other team and start to pine for superboy I know I've run out of legit things to say so... until next time.... keep it real faux people! and don't forget to vote... or whatever the popular saying is this week. I'm so quick I'm fast asleep!!!

Clint Out

Edmonton Left...

You know that joke about the guy who drove 459 miles to Edmonton? Right before he got to the city he saw a BIG sign that read "Edmonton Left" .... so he went home... haha yeah I know.. lame... but that joke has always rattled around inside my head. I heard it at a young age... i'd say around 7. It was one of the first "play on words" jokes that I heard. At the tender age of 7 I thought the joke was genius... and since then I've always had a fondness for words. Words that sound the same but have two meanings, like watch for example. Watch can mean "Watch out Frank he has a gun!!!" or it could mean "according to my watch it's 12:30...and that guy still has a fucking gun". Very cool... and over the years I've had about ... 7 companies and I would always try to give them one of those double meaning words. For example I had a company years ago that dealt with telephone technology, ie voice mail and answering services and the like. I called it Intellitech, which was short for "Intelligent Technology".

Now I could go on for days and days... or get to the point. The problem is, I don't think I really had a point, other than the fact that I like how the simplest of things can have multiple layers. On the surface, it's simple, but deep down, it's complex. That's why things like conspiracy theories and alternate history has always appealed to me. A picture is worth a thousand words,,, but which words? I like my entertainment to either be spoon fed, so I can shut of my mind and enjoy it... or to be complex. The band Tool is such an example. Their brand new album just came out. It's called "10,000 days". Turns out 10,000 days is the length of time that James Keenan Maynard's mother was paralyzed from a stroke before she died. She was a strict catholic… actually I shouldn’t assume. She was very religious and I guessed Catholic because they seemed to be the most tortured. Maynard is the lead singer of Tool for those who don’t know, he’s also the lead singer for his side project band called “A Perfect Circle”. In that band he also had a song about his mother called “Judith”. I guess he was plenty pissed that his mother kept her faith and remained religious after what happened to her.. Some of the meaning to the lyrics to Judith become clear when you learn the story. His mother has a heart attack and becomes paralyzed but through ALL that, never questions why enough to loose her faith. It seems that that REALLY got under Maynards skin. I can’t remember specifically but I think he’s an Atheist… like myself. So he wrote:

Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you
Fuck your God
Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why

It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you
He did it all for you

Anger eh? The funny thing is I ‘m an Atheist as well, and although I left my anger at god behind long ago, I totally understand Maynards suffering. Well I shouldn’t say I understand, I should say I can appreciate where it comes from. I didn’t have a loved one paralyzed for 10,000 days. That works out to about 27.3 years by the way. Anyhoo… my point is that Tool’s music has a lot of deeper meaning and hidden, hard to find jewels. They can preach a point of view without a podium and I like that… a lot. Their albums can be spoon fed fun… or you can do a little research and come up with even more of the story, and it’s intentional. It’s not the fan playing the record backwards to find out the Beatles are messengers from god telling me to commit Helter Skelter. It’s my understanding that their music is mathematical. The length of the song times, the number of beats etc add up to hidden messages etc. On the whole it’s just good ol fashioned fun. The drummer Danny Carey is crazy too! In a good way. Check out part of this article about Danny:

“Despite not becoming a Mason or aligning himself with any other school of religion,

Danny has maintained his heritages interest in occult studies. Endeavors into this realm have manifested periodically, such as the time he achieved insight into a hidden aspect of the unicursal hexagram utilizing an astral journey initiated through meditation and DMT.

Danny then set up his drums into proportions utilizing the circle and square of the New Jerusalem and uttered a short prayer relating to the principles of the ace of swords from the book of Thoth. He then performed a ritual utilizing his new found knowledge of the unicursal hexagram to generate a pattern of movement in space relating to Fuller's vector equilibrium model. The resulting rhythm and gateway summoned a daemon he has contained within "the Lodge" that has been delivering short parables similar to passages within the Book of Lies. Danny recommends as a device of protection and containment a thorough study and utilization of the underlying geometry of the Temple of Solomon for anyone purchasing their next record.”

CRAZY!!! Yeah I can go into it etc but…. Wow…

SO I highly suggest picking up Tools new album “10,000 days” not just because the album will actually summon demons… although that’s cool too, but because it KICKS ASS!!!

Oh and if I see ONE MORE FUCKING EDMONTON OILERS FLAG hanging from a car I’m goinna kill a cute little bunny.

That’s my sticking and I’m story to it.

404 this page CAN be found... and HAS!!!

well i just figured out why i get so many hits a day on my website STILL all these years later. I mean I know I'm linked here and there and even here again... but I still get a plethora of traffic from ALL OVER... so anyway... I get an email yet AGAIN about my 404 page today. Back when it was posted on fark.com I recieved about 30 thousand hits a day for a couple months, I think lee and I even shut the page down for awhile to recoop. So I read this e mail and checked out what this girl had said. She was commenting on... you guessed it, my 404 oops page... so I went ahead and typed "Web Page Cannot Be Displayed" in google... out of roughly 82 MILLION hits... the top two of course are support.microsoft... the second one is compuserve... i think i've heard of that company. Another is for a little company called tech-recipes.com , yeah I think i've heard of them too.. and then... there it was...5th down from the top... out of 82 million results... I'm FIFTH!!! hahaha I gotta laugh... I can't get a decent mochafrappachino.... but I can get hundreds of thousands of people to go to "this page cannot be fucking found"

A New Entry? yeah... wow eh? Clintorama.. Pleasing the fans! Making Copies!!

oh dear god.. where do I start?...

ok well first of all... if you know me, you know my life is usually soooooo freaking boring that if they made a sitcom about my day to day life... it would be called " make me groggy " and so therefore they wouldn't do it. Although if they DID do it, I could see FOX being the network to do it. Mostly because FOX puts out horrible TV shows that everyone loves. And I think that I have that appeal, that draw. I'm not threatening, I'm not the most attractive guy [I know that's a hard concept to grasp but it's true] so men don't feel threatened and girls find me... cute not sexy. So I test well with the kids...
ha yeah so anyway, having said all that to prove the point that my life lately, is a string of ... soap? no a string of boredom. Have you ever seen the movie Ground Hog Day? THAT'S my stinking life. I mean I'm not Bill Murray slowly loosing my mind over the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil


That's the correct spelling believe it or not... seriously.. I frick'n looked it up!!!! oh and Check out his link... the lil fellar has a website. www.punxsutawneyphil.com



So yeah, Clint's life?? boring... but lately... well let's just say I have much to report! Of course I have to question myself and wonder...
who reads this? and who cares? but regardless, a blog ia a blog right?
Sadly tho... my updates are.. well just that.. sad. Let's start with early April.


Here goes:

!!!~ UPDATE NUMBER ONE ~!!!


[How clinical eh?] One of my best pals in the whole wide world is a little lady who goes by the handle "Anne". She lives in my apartment building on the next level. I met her 2 years ago when I moved in and we've been fat friends ever since.

[*NOTE - I MEANT to type "fastFriends". Just now in proofing this story, I noticed the typo and I have to say... "Fat Friends" is a little funnier.. so let's leave the girth joke alone]

Anne is my go to person. What I mean by that is we talk alot and all the time. I don't have a girlfriend and she just got out of a stinker of a divorce about 4 years ago so we "go to" each other with our problems. Well her brother has Cancer... and it's terrible. He only has a few months left and so Anne went out east to spend her time with her brother. She's having the worst time, we talk every other day and it's rough for her. So as you can imagine, after she tells me all the horrible things she's going through, the LAST thing I'm going to do... is start talking about MY problems. I do talk about this and that, but nothing too in-depth. And I know that she'd kill me if she found out I'm holding back the gossip but I think it's better for her ya know? so yeah she's gone out east and that's been pretty rough on me. Selfish ol me just needs a chit chat buddy ya know? Most my friends I have here locally have husbands / wives / girlfriends / boyfriends etc etc. So I was thinking of getting a dog, I can talk to him/her and all I would get in response is "bark bark" which is dog for "you're one fucked up human, if I could get outta here, I totally would cause you are...... oh snap it's dinnertime... ok what was I saying?" ok that's update number uno... now let's move on to number two.. duuece..


!!!~ UPDATE NUMBER TWO ~!!!


One of my best friends in ze world, Kizzy, ALSO has the cancer. What the FUCK!!!!! I won't get into it too deep with all the details. Kizzy is a social guy, but he's fairly private so I'll give him that respect by not going on about his situation, what I WILL tell you is that he has a form of cancer called "Ewings Sarcoma". He spent the past year and some going through chemo [oh great MORE poison in your body] and we were hoping for the best right? one hopes for the best... it's always something to shoot for. No one wants to shoot for "shit show"... so yeah , and he thought he had it beat right? I called him recently and guess what kids? He reached into Bob Barkers hundred dollar pocket and pulled out....can ya guess? yeah you got it. It spread to his hip and legs. So yeah. He's in plenty good mood. So then I realized something... how the FUCK do I wake up in the morning and think "man I don't feel good today?" when Kizz is going through shit like that? I mean wow. A little background on the kizzoo for those that don't know, Kizz is someone I met in 1999 when I moved to Phoenix. I worked on a project called "Celebsites.com" and he was one of the co-founding partners. Back in the day he was roommates with Brad Pitt. He hadn't done Thelma and Louise and whatever other movies made him popular with all the folks. They've kept in touch and maintained their friendship. Kizz knew ALL sorts of actors, agents, people in P.R. etc etc... and that's how we got our foot, leg and some of our thigh in the door doing professional personal websites for the Hollywood set. From 1999 to 2003 I lived with Kizzy off and on in Phoenix, Miami, LA, and Vegas as we started one project here, another there. It was fun because we were doing good [enough] financially and this is during the big INTERNET TECH BUBBLE. We were finding investors, riding the bullet.... we enjoyed it. Playing hoop , shopping for runners, oh and of course... eating out lots...! "MORE BREAD GARCON" . So when I found out lsat year that Kizz has the big C[ancer]... well I don't know if I want to get mad and punch the FUCK OUT OF SOMETHING!!! or cry.... or what. EVERYTIME I want to play the ol "I feel sorry for myself" I talk to Kizz and he's always always in a good mood. How can I pretend I'm even remotely upset when he's like that? The guy has pride and class. yeah so.... that brings me to my NEXT update... number three...


!!!~ UPDATE NUMBER THREE ~!!!

I'm trying to keep upbeat... but yeah Cancer. Well in High school... a THOUSAND years ago... I dated this cute little number that went by the handle "Karen Burke-Smith" That's a whole other story I'll get into someday but guess what Karen has? Yup.. Cancer.. among OTHER things. I visit her once a week... sometimes twice a week... the hospital they moved her to is right beside West Edmonton Mall so it's a hike to get there. Before she was right by my house so I would drop by 3 times a weekAnyway, she spent 7 months in the hospital last year, and she was doing great... and then... about a month ago they called her up and said "Hey Karen? you having agood life? How'd you feel about some of your internal organs shutting down? so off she went. I go and sit there and we talk about the good ol' days. We talk about how fantastic I was and how great I was and how cute I was... notice the abundance of "was" in there? heh yeah I'm not pointing any fingers but, let's just say these days I avoid mirrors. Actually I found them avoiding me. My bathroom mirror was missing one day, and then in my mail I got a letter from Charlie... that's the name the mirror uses. Well Charlie has ALWAYS wanted to go to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Mirrors don't dream big I guess. Overall they're a pale reflection of who we are... man I really reached there for that one! and it was so bad it wasn't even a groaner joke.
Ok so we're mostly caught up... but I have ONE MORE piece of fabulous news:


!!!~ UPDATE NUMBER FOUR ~!!!

Ok so a little background for the story... when I moved to Edmonton from Vancouver back in.. 2002, it was to escape two things.. one... terrorists and two the mental terrorists I had in my OWN head. I moved in with Lee Malo, Lee Ingram and his wife Elizabeth for... I think about two years. Well they had two dogs named Buster and Xander. Buster is a big black lab, the SWEETEST black lab you'll EVER meet. Then there was Xander, a cross between a bijon and Hitler with a French accent. If you've seen the cartoons Pinky and the brain, well you've just imagined these two. Xander had Buster SO trained for his evil and vile intentions that this one time... Elizabeth had some cookies on her nightstand left over from ..well i dunno having dinner in bed, or a snack.. ANYWAY... Buster got them down with his big punum lips and GAVE them to Xander. Who stamped them out for all eternity with his vice like jaws and didn't share a CRUMB with Buster. But Buster was happy to have done it and helped his little buddy. Well I could go on with a thousand stories about Xander... but I won't right now. The point of this story is probably not lost on anyone, especially when I use words like Xander "had" and "was" , past tense. Xander was getting old, he was NOT doing well these past couple months. He was totally blind, mostly deaf, a bad case of Alzheimer's and he just recently started getting these massive growths [3 in total] on his back and side. So yeah he wasn't going to make it much longer without a lot of pain so the decision was made to relieve Xanders pain and put him to sleep. I sat here just now for about 4 minutes trying to think up a way to say "put him to sleep' without saying it... But none of the words seemed appropriate or meaningful, So I just said it. I have to give Elizabeth credit. It was her dog, Xander and Elizabeth were best friends. This was problably one of the most difficult decisions she's ever made, and she made it. Lee spent about 45 minutes on the phone hunting down the vet doctor that Xander had most his life. About 4 years ago she left her job at the clinic that Xander used to frequent. So Lee called many a place looking for the doc. The only reason they did this was because Xander knew her and he'd be comfortable with her. Is that NOT AMAZING? just giving him a little comfort at the end. To get to her was a 45-minute drive as well, since her new practice was out of town. But I was saying, I have to give Elizabeth credit, she took GREAT care of Xander. Fed him what was best for him, taking him to the vet as often as he needed, getting him check ups etc etc. Xander was SO healthy, and I bet you if he had ANY other owner, he would have passed about 3 years ago. She really really took good care of him. I am going to miss him so much.

So I thought to myself, ya know? I wouldn't mind getting another dog, to live with me, keep me company but Training a puppy to stop eating your shoes, pinching a loaf in your shoes etc etc... I'd rather just get a 2 year old dog and take it from there. So I went to the website for the Edmonton Humane Society and they have photo's of all their dogs... well, technically they have photo's of all their animals, but I was looking at the dogs.
CLICK HERE For the link... check it out!

OK so... was that depressing enough for you kids? I'll start updating more so I don't have to write a GIANT post. and next time I write, I'll write happier things. My mother is a little sick right now too... but that's more of an insanity thing [ha ha gotcha good there

I DIB YOU ABOO..!!!
GNITE Canada
CLINT ROCK VANDER KLOK

Kid in a John Candy Store

so it's 3:35 am... Friday.. er Saturday morning. I'm not at home in my bed. so I'm sitting here thinking of Christine who is literally oneofakind... heh. but yesh I can't sleep after waking up so what does one do? Switches on tv.. and what should morph onto the screen for me this morning? Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I'm watching it and about 30 minutes into it... something works its way back into my mind, something I forgot. John Candy is gone... he's left us. I think he was underated. Sure ok he could make us laugh... but wow... could he ever act. I think the stamp of a true actor, is someone who can play the scene with just his face, the expression or lack thereof... and Candy could do that. The scene in planes n Trains when Steve Martins character returns to the bus stop and finds John Candy's character sitting there. He tells Steve that his wife has died over 8 years ago. Maybe it's because it's a sad scene, or maybe it's a combination of the emotions of the scene and the fact that John's dead... but yeah I shed a little tear. I remember when J:)ohn Candy died...When I heard the news on the radio... I cried. I mean hell, I Grew UP with this fellar on SCTV and movies etc. Basically it felt like I lost the favorite uncle that would show up at family events in a black suit and a stripper/hooker. haha... yeaaaah.. aaaanyway... VIVA LA CANDY!!!Who do YOU miss?

Saturday...in the park - I think it was the fourth of july

Hey kids and kittens.
Saturday morning, 10 am... thought i'd do a lil blogging.

-------

I took the day off from my "normal" job yesterday to stay home and start a NEW job. I used to work for myself back in 97 through to ... about 2002. I did swell but I had some problems and I ended up moving to Edmonton where I basically took 3 years off from my life, get my mind in order and whatnot. Well back in August I took a job taht my good friends Lee and Lee offered me. I work with them in their office and I dig it, it's easy work for me. Basically you know the ads you see in the yellow pages? Well I do that. But... I miss the freedom and the money from my old biz. Working from home is always a plus for me. I get distracted very easy and at work there are four of us crammed in there and we all talk and bullshit throughout the day and it's hard for me to focus since I've never really had a work environment like that before. At Celebsites.com it was alot like that but we all stayed fairly silent. Aaaaanyway.... I decided, ya know what? daddy wants and ipod.. so I've started up the ol' "making websites from home and getting up at the crack of noon" biz again. so I work 10 hours a day from Monday - Thursday and then I work for 3 days from home doing my thang... it's a lot of work but I sleep better at night, and at my age it's important to start thinking about the future... haha my age... My freaking Birthday is coming up on April 30th but luckily I had my mid life crisis early in life. So I can avoid that down the road.
Anyway, that's where I'm at, thought I'd tell the 10 thousand or so people out there that will read this sometime that a total stranger you don't know is having fun in life... oh and the 20 people or so that I do know that read this... DADDY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES!.
On a sad note, there has been some sad drama in my life. First of all, one of my best friends Anne, who lived in the same apartment building that I do, has a sick brother. He has the Cancer and I don't want to get into specifics but she's leaving to go be with him until August or so. She's heading out to Toronto and I plan on going out there to visit here in a month or two.
In addition to THAT, the girlfriend that I used to date in high school...Karen, also has the cancer. She spent 5 months in the hospital last year, and this year she's been good but... Saturday she basically had a melt down. She's now in the Royal Alex hospital and she's throwing up blood and the like. The doctor told me that her organs are shutting down... it's HORRIBLE to see someone so young in such bad shape. I'm going to see her today in a couple of hours. Just to be there for her, hold her hand and make her laugh.
Life is so.... unpredictable but it’s hard for me to feel sorry for myself or be in a grumpy mood when I look at Karen, who has EVERY reason to feel sorry for herself, but she keeps her head up. I’m proud of her and really… I’m amazed how well she’s handling her mortality.

Just got back from the hospital, goinna shower and get rid o the smell of the place, then go to Anne’s place for dinner! Good times, see ya’ll later kids. And remember, wherever ya go, there ya are. Well go figure, it’s 6:45 pm and a few days later now. I didn’t push the button to publish this earlier in the week - I don't use my laptop that much hahaha… so I’ll do it now - go figure. Week late is better than not at all..

Stolen Lost

I had just finished reading three volumes of a truly cool, Must List-worthy comic book series called Planetary, which to this day I am convinced is one of the secret source texts of Lost. (More on this later.) This was shortly after the episode ‘’One of Them,'’ in which Sawyer squished a frog to death. My sleepy brain was putting stuff together: a Planetary story about a psychotic suicide cult on a monstrous island; vague memories of reading something about how certain frogs secrete psychedelic enzymes or something; and the opium poppies in the Virgin Mary idols in the Hatch. The word psychotropics came to mind, as in, ‘’Heroin belongs to a family of drugs called psychotropics.'’ Suddenly: Whoa! ‘’Psychotropics = Psycho Tropics = The island on Lost.'’ I was so convinced I was onto something, I woke up the guy next to me on the plane and explained it to him. Before I knew it, an Air Marshal was summoned, a sedative was administered, and I woke up inside a holding cell inside O’Hare Airport.